YuGiOh - Vertically Challenged

I would first like to say this is a result of an in-joke with a friend and a massive sugar high. Second, this was written ages ago and is full of convinient appearances and massive amounts of idiocy. Third, I mean no offence to short people; a nickname of mine is indeed 'vertically challenged'. Thankfully, I haven't pulled a stupid Yugi yet. With all that said, I now present the story (if you can call it that)

***


It was a normal day for Yugi and his friends. They had gone to school, learnt hardly anything and played Duel Monsters all day. Yes, it had been a fine day indeed.


Until they were walking home from school.


For at that moment, every single person that they didn’t want to see turned up. Pegasus was sipping coffee in a nearby café; Dartz was reading a paper for some obscure reason while Alister, Valon and Raphael were bickering over –


“I told you, it’s my chocolate bar!”


“No it’s not!”


“There’s only one left, and as I’m the one with the trenchcoat I get it!”


Ensue punches, kicks, and general chaos. Yami Marik and Yami Bakura seemed to be staring rather intently at a decorative sword displayed in an antique shop window, while across the road Zigfried von Schroeder just happened to be stepping out into the street from having his hair cut. Bandit Keith came tearing down the street shortly afterwards, yelling something about “duelling, stupidity and loss of hair”.


And then, Mr. Trenchcoat-flaps-dramatically-on-command himself appeared. No, I do not mean Raphael, though he does wear a trenchcoat.


I meant Seto Kaiba, resident moneybags and object of many fangirls’ affections. As we speak, several of them are being beaten away by riot police.


As he strode past all the various antagonists, he gave them all withering glares (because he isn’t going to give them money) –


And was promptly stabbed in the stomach by Yugi’s deformed pineapple-porcupine-what-the-heck-is-it? hair.


He glared for a change. “Why don’t you get out of our way, Yugi? You know that you’re too short to be seen by those of us who are of a normal height.”


Yugi looked miserable, though only slightly. Breathing deeply, he put on a stern face and attempted (and failed) to sound commanding. “I am not short.” Yugi puffed himself up “I am vertically challenged!” he finished with a yell.


A lone tumbleweed rolled down the silent street …


… before maniacal laughter broke out from all directions. Pegasus managed to somehow spew coffee over the street and straight onto Zigfried’s hair, who was leaning against Dartz and his cronies for support. Yami Marik and Yami Bakura were having an absolute fit, and well … even Yugi’s friends were snickering behind their hands!


Pegasus wiped a tear from his eye. “Of course, Yugi-boy. I shall remember that for future reference.” Take that statement however you like, folks.


“Vertically challenged porcupine head” muttered Bandit Keith.


Yugi went the colour of a tomato, and everyone feared he would imitate Kuriboh and explode. “I AM NOT VERTICALLY CHALLENGED! I. AM. SHORT!!!” he bellowed in a moment of stupidity.


A flood of tumbleweed swept everyone in Domino away, except for those gathered in the street. But Teá was taken away too, because no one likes her.


Kaiba broke the silence.


“Free for all!</i>” he yelled, smashing his briefcase against a conveniently placed lamppost in happiness. Somewhere in the bowels of the Earth, a red-horned creature ice-skated to work.


Everyone, Yugi’s friends included, sucked in a deep breath. Yugi’s eyes grew to an illegal size in fear.


“SHORT! SHORT! SHORT! SHORT!” they all chanted, repeating it in an eerily cheerful way.


“No!” Yugi wailed “I’m vertically challenged! VERTICALLY CHALLENGED I TELL YOU!” But it was too late to fix the damage that had been done. Even as Yugi ran away, the chant followed him from friends and enemies alike.


***


Yugi sighed, pulling the covers around his small shoulders. After the phone messages (consisting of various people shouting “Short!” down the phone) had ended, he could finally get some sleep. But first, to ask Yami for advice.


“Yami … what can I do t-” Yugi paled in horror. From Yami’s soul room came the unmistakable chant;


“Short, short, short, short …”


Yugi screamed.